Humor

Craigslist Missed Connections: H-E-B Edition

In addition to the smell of deli meats and baked goods, there must be something special in the air at H-E-B this week.

A Dozen Things to Know about Austin

Well, it’s a little over a month after South by Southwest, so by my calculations, approximately 2,000 new residents are now settling in, after “discovering” Austin in March. Being the kind person I am, I’ve put together a dozen pointers to help these newbies get acclimated.

Best of Craigslist Austin: Musicians Wanted

Meet Kyle the electric saw player (?!) whose last group claimed the title "Worst Band in Portland"; Cory, who has a drummer but needs a microphone to "do all the screeches"; and the dude who only samples from Tarantino flicks and shuns signing to major labels cuz "they have lawyers and ... lawyers tend to suck." Welcome to the Austin Craigslist musician ads.

Enough Already! Words Austin Doesn't Want to Hear in 2013

There are some words we heard so much in 2012 that Austin can't stand to hear them one more time. We polled various Austinites about the words and phrases they'd like to leave behind as we move into 2013. 

The Secret to a Perfect Thanksgiving

I freaking love Thanksgiving. There’s nothing like filling the house with twenty friends, knowing at least two of them will end up making out on the pile of coats in my bedroom while the rest of us taunt them with pie.

EXPOSED! The Shocking Origins of Tofucken (the Vegetarian Turducken)

As we all know, the turducken (a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey) has become a holiday favorite. But what of those who shun the stuffing of one animal into another and then eating them?

Pie Poem

Guess what?

Pie

In the breakroom

Now!

Guess what else?

No pie

In the breakroom

Anymore

DeadBlogging Halloween

10:15 a.m. Okay, look, I get that some neighborhoods get stupidly competitive about Halloween, but seriously, there’s no reason for this kind of competition over Cadbury Scare Eggs. I love them as much as the next sugar addict, but I’m not going to drag the kid behind the register into the stock room to get me some more.

Austin Post Ask 10: Why Do Americans Crave an Apocalypse (with or without zombies)?

TV is full of post-apocalyptic disasters. The Walking Dead. Revolution. Doomsday Preppers. Are things really that bad?

SXSW Rolls the Dice on Yet Another Conference

What's going on with SXSW? It's starting to populate like a CSI-spawned virus, with three new conferences, the latest to be held in Vegas. Huh? Last time I checked that wasn't in Austin. The closest we get might be the Dave & Buster's up north.

Distilling the Spirit of Craft Cocktails in Austin: A Five Day Odyssey

A lot of fuss has been made over the “craft cocktail” craze.

Posted Speeds and Waiting for the Apocalypse: Another Open Letter to Austin Drivers

Man, did I get some flak for that first Open Letter to Austin Drivers. One guy called me a Yankee and a carpetbagger! That is so cool! I wish I could channel some of his creative vocabulary into my own writing.

Fence Proposed to Keep Texas Away from Other States

Texas politics has always blurred the line between fact and an an Onion headline, but a new piece from the independent journalism site Alternet smudges it even further in a semi-serious plea to fence in

My First Triathlon: A Guide for the Tri-Curious

I’m not an athlete, let alone three athletes. At some point less than a year ago I started running, encouraged by friends and other runners, and found that one can progress from wheezing and sweating a half-block to wheezing and sweating a half-mile, and on from there.

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