LOVE LOIS (Lois answers your burning relationship questions)

Q. I fell in love with a woman almost a year ago. I moved away and she said she would wait for me to come back. As time went on, she appeared to be more emotionally distant and started getting closer to someone else. She says she is not seeing him, but she has lied and cheated on me in the past. I still love her, but I did say some horrible things to her when I thought she was lying about their involvement. She is terribly hurt and I can't take back what I said. Do you think she has been playing me the whole time?

 A.  If she lied and cheated on you, why do you still want to be together? If you can say horrible things to her with the intention of hurting her, how is that love? If you don't trust your partner, grown emotionally apart, and think you have been played…you should get out.

      Next time before you speak, you might consider addressing the issue at hand, think about what you are saying, and remember if you think you are going to say something to cause your partner pain, you might want to reconsider with a few deep breaths or a good night's sleep.  Some things we say to people we love can be painful but they should never be intentionally hurtful.

 Q. I'm an older gay man in my late 50s. I always hear how sexy and good looking I am, but all the men I date just want sex. I want friends and a potential long-term relationship.  I'm lonely and not good at starting conversations. I belong to gay clubs. I have tried chat rooms, but I always have the same problem. Most guys can't understand why I feel so lonely and according to them, I'm so handsome. Any advice on what I should do?

A. Online dating to the rescue. It resolves the challenge of the initial awkwardness of approaching someone new and the shallowness if just being approached because you look good. Be honest in your profile. Say that you are not good at starting conversations, but that you are a good listener. So many people love talking and really need to be heard that this would make you THE guy. Talk about the things you are interested in doing and being and say that you are looking for new friends and a potential long-term relationship.

    Photo or no photo? That is the question. You can use your picture, which will probably get you lots of responses, but in the end, you risk being judged for your appearance first and everything else second. Your other option is to post your profile without a picture. If you do this, you probably have a better chance of meeting someone who wants a real friendship and is attracted to you for what you have to say about who you are, rather than for what you look like. I'm sure you will meet a great friend and/or partner in no time.

 (Send your burning relationship questions to www.ask-lois.com)