Get Prepared for New Year’s Eve
1. An ill-fitting sparkly cocktail dress – now, as a man, I feel this is something that is going to go wrong, not to mention get misinterpreted.
2. Desire for a cheap champagne hangover – more like “expensive champagne that someone else is buying” hangover.
3. Not someone to kiss at midnight.
4. Let Down Preparedness.
5. Lots of food.
6. The ability to count backwards.
7. Knowledge you will feel the same as you did before.
8. Resolutions you don’t want to keep – stop wearing ill-fitting sparkly cocktail dresses maybe.
9. Readiness for nostalgia – because it never gets better.
10. Prepared to pretend this is the last New Year’s Eve like ever.
Now you have your sparkly dress, loads of pigs in blankets on the table, hang over remedies, a chart to help you count backwards and a no kiss policy, you can read what some top comedians have been saying about New Year’s Eve.
3. Laura Kightlinger – “It goes Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and Valentine’s Day. Is that fair to anyone who’s alone? If you didn’t get around to killing yourself on Christmas or New Year’s, boom, there’s Valentine’s Day for you. There should be a holiday after Valentine’s Day called ‘Are you still here?’”
2. Jay Leno – “Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average, which means you’ve already met your New Year’s resolution.”
1. J. O’Rourke – “The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to.”
Photo courtesy of hreniasburk.edu.ms.